Forum Survival Guide

Now...this guide shall help you through your Pokemon...I mean Forum journey.

Chapter 1: The Key Components of Posting

Basically the only thing you do in forums is post, along with an occasional chat box. But when you post, your post will most likely be seen by many other members. Especially, if you just joined the forums, you'd like to make a good first impression, right? If not...then you fail at life and should just go get a job at McDonald's and make me some fries. With extra salt. But to leave a good impression in real life, you say the good things you've accomplished...right? Wrong. In forums, you can be someone different. In real life, you could be a very funny, out-going person. But in the forum world, you just occasionally post in the Off-Topic zone and eat Doritos. Getting back on track...to make a good impression make an introductory topic and you take the things you've done, make them hilarious, awesome, sexy, or a combination of them. After that...or before that, make a witty title. Witty titles are everything nowadays. The five main reasons people don't post in your topics is:
1. Your title wasn't witty enough.
2. Your topic has collected enough dust to make the dust bunny family tree.
3. The last post had nothing to go on.
4. Your title still wasn't witty enough.
5. People completely hate you or don't care enough to post in your topic.
Now that you probably got the impression thing down, now you need to know where to post. Most of the categories are simple and easy to know where to post, and if you happen to post in the wrong place, your topic shall kindly be moved with a slap to your face. Most of the time, people have problems putting topics in the Community category. These people are considered morons. Not idiots. Morons. Myself included. One thing to note however, you can never be too off topic in the off topic topics. So if someone is talking about their day(buzz kill right there), you could just suddenly talk about how awesome your belly button is or how your teacher wears the same pants everyday.
Now that you have been taught the ways of where to post, you must know how to make good posts past your introductory post(s). To start off, the three best posts to use are:
1. A funny post.
2. A discussion starting post.
3. A helpful post.
A funny post is usually the best seeing as how it can put people in a better mood and they won't use Google Maps to find out where you live and kill you. Funny posts can also start a discussion or it could help people...sorta.
A discussion starting post is...a discussion starting post. If you start a discussion, you could be looked up upon...either that or you could get flamed for the rest of your life. MUAHAHA! Ahem.
A helpful post is where someone might have...personal genital problems and you could 'help' them work that stuff out. If it is a relationship problem, the one with the problem never gets laid...ever. The one who helps will always get laid...always. That kinda wraps up the posting chapter.

Chapter 2: Social Classes

Yes. The dreaded social classes exist in the forum world. There are but 5 forum social classes. They are:
1. The Leaders
2. The Clique
3. The Pansies
4. The Fanboys
5. The Bitches
The Leaders are the Admins and Mods. All the other members look up to these people and desire their position. They are usually the head of everything and make everything seem 12 or 13...12.5? times better. Even though they have that mask of cheerfulness on their faces...deep down, they despise everyone and everything. And their sole desire is to ban everyone.
The Clique are the people who are like the Leaders...but aren't that over the top. The other classes kinda look up to them, but not as much as the Leaders. They are usually the life of the forums.
The Pansies are the people who try to become friends with everyone...when they really shouldn't. They'll pick a person and just agree with whatever they say until they die or become some kind of rabbit that advertises cereal.
The Fanboys are the ones who are obsessed with an anime or video game character. They always talk about how awesome that character is, and may even go as far as roleplaying.
The Bitches are the complainers of the forum world. They basically hate everything and everyone and usually get banned often.
Now you should classify yourself in one of these classes. If you undermine yourself, don't complain or your house shall be blown up by ants. If you think too highly of yourself, you'll find a stick of dynamite in your Spoil.

Chapter 3: The Forum Life
Now that you've got your class and you know how to post, you should now know what to do around the forum casually. The first thing is...don't start an argument. Just don't do it, especially if it's really stupid, you can't win, or both. Remember, debates and arguments are two different things. One is healthy every now and then, and one can kill you.
Some members don't know what to do when they notice a female poster. This also presents some awkwardness. Unlike real life, you must agree with everything they say, even if you really don't. This can result in loss of one of two things, virginity and awkwardness...or maybe both. (For those in possession of a vagina, just remember that every guy secretly loves you, you should have no life outside the kitchen, and what you say doesn't matter at all. Thank you.) If you ever see two girls arguing, you must agree with the hot one, or the one that's more willing to **** you. Also comfort them and secretly hit on them constantly. Just remember, there is no kitchen in the forum world. Basically, girls are a different matter in the forum world than in real life.
Overall, just make sure you're in a good class, post often and well, and do all the things mentioned in the above paragraph, and you'll survive, bloody nose and all.

(This was not meant to offend the female unit, Canadians(besides Justin Bieber) or Cheerios...or something like that.)

Part 2 is below!

To start off...if you haven't read the first part...well then you're really stupid since it's right above this one...
Once you have read that and laughed at my crude humor, read this and all of your needs shall be satisfied. Unless you have a craving for chocolate...which then you are pregnant and I can't help you there.

Chapter 4: Usernames
Starting off this part of the guide is usernames. It's not that advanced and I probably should have put it in the last part...but I'm lazy and don't feel like putting there because I already started it here. Now, usernames should be between 3 and 12.85 characters, otherwise they are just annoying. IDidYourMotherLastNight is extremely annoying and moderately offensive to your father, especially if you add underscores.
Making your username all numbers is also a bad idea because people might think that's your phone number or social security number. 457-643-4687 (Not my phone number. Probably a hot Australian chick or a fat British man.) is not a good idea. Instead...make a good username. 100% letters can make a good username. A good example: Dragoonmason. Eh? Pretty good right? No? I hate you.
But anyways, a combination of letters and numbers can be good too, but not too many numbers. Make sure that the letters are greater than or equal to the numbers. A good example for this style is: Hissae2. The numbers are outnumbered 6-1 and if you say it out loud, it kinda rolls off the tongue. Try it. Hissae2. Hissae2! Hissae2? HiSsAe2. Hissae2. Yeah. Make sure you check your username and make sure it fits these standards, and you'll be set for the username section. Remember, every other member and guests can see your username.

Chapter 5: Signatures and Avatars

Now, we can get into the more advanced things...such as Signatures and Avatars! (Thanks Chaos for the idea for this chapter)
First off, avatars. Avatars are almost always the second thing members look at when they see a new post, usernames are the first. That way, they can tell who made the post so they know how to react when they say something really smart or really stupid in their post.
Now, you may ask, how can I pick a good avatar? Well, I'm not gonna tell you. Why? Because I'm a douche, and I really can't get a defined area of avatars. There's many different kinds that could be good in their own way. BUT...I shall give some tips, therefore, I'm not a total douche.
Tip #1: Don't use yourself for an avatar.
THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE! (Who uses Myspace anymore?)
We don't want to see you. We will never want to see you. Although, there may be a Show Yourself topic tucked somewhere away in these forums; but that is the only place to put pictures of your face, not your penis. Otherwise, you shall be fed to the hamsters, limb by limb.
Tip #2: Don't use anyone else for an avatar.
Again...this is not a place where people want to see your or someone else's face. No real humans allowed. People from video games or cartoons/animes are acceptable...kinda. Unless you're me. Which you're not. I'm always allowed to use Konata as an avatar and make it look cool.
Tip #3: Use GIF images if possible.
OK...the other two were kinda like rules...similar rules, but this tip is just a suggestion. Use GIF images as an avatar. GIF images are images that are animated and basically just repeat a series of pictures over and over. They give a little bit of spice to forums. However, they are not required to have a good avatar.
Now we move on to signatures after all the avatar crap.
Signatures are the stuff that will automatically go under your post. People use signatures in the texting world, but that's a different world. In the forum world, signatures are not limited to 15 characters and are not restricted to text only. You can include pictures and links as well. Also, I believe the limit is 500 characters or something like that.
Signatures are like avatars in the sense that there are many different types that can be good. Again, I shall be less douchy and give you some tips.
Tip #1: Add a really cool picture.
Almost all signatures contain a picture. Have the picture represent you...unless you suck at life. Then...don't.
Tip #2: Add some text as well.
Some text can give a bit of humor to your signature. It can also make it look like you put at least 2 or so minutes into making the signature.
Tip #3: Use GIF images. (Again!)
GIF images also work in signatures. Also, they aren't as restricted as avatars are. Adding GIF images to your signature always adds some eye appeal.
Tip #4: Don't make your signature annoying.
It's kinda obvious, but don't do it. Making your signature too big is annoying because it stretches the screen. Putting offensive text/pictures is just wrong and annoying. It wouldn't stay too long anyways.

That kinda wraps up this part of the guide....OK. I know what you're thinking. Only 2 chapters? Why? Because there is more below...jeez...no need to be so jumpy...

Okay...so you all love my guide, so I made another part.
Note, if you are stupid and didn't read Part 2 go up.
If you are really stupid and didn't read Part 1 go farther up. Got it? Good.
Now, enjoy this guide...or else I'll send the lasagna minions after you!

Chapter 6...I think...yeah, it is: Member Titles
This...is almost useless...I hate this. Why do I do this? Just go away.
PSHH STATIC~~~~~~PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH STATIC PSHHHHH Yeah...Whatever...
Chapter 6 Take 2...thousand: Member Titles
OK...now I'm ready. OK! Now you are probably wondering what Member Titles are...if not...then...I don't care, just pretend you don't. Member Titles are the small excerpt of text underneath your avatar. You see? Now you are smart and will pass Social Studies with a D- if you're lucky.
Now you may be wondering, What should I put there? I don't really care...just go die. Well, since it really goes unnoticed most of the time, you really don't have to put too much thought into it. Just don't make it stupid, or else your life shall suck even more. OK...I hate this chapter...moving on.

Chapter 7A: Emoticons
You should know what emoticons are...in fact you probably use them quite often. The most common emoticons are :/ :'( :3 XD <3 and nln_(-_-)_nln (use your imaginations) Kinda... Only four of these are going to show up. Why? I don't know. I'm stupid. There are others that are available on the left of the screen when you are on the Full Reply Screen. If you want to pick one, just click on it and it shall satisfy you.

Chapter 7B: Usage
When should you use emoticons? Well sometimes you want to stress happiness or sadness...so you use digital faces...which is kinda weird, but it somehow works. Although, if you just randomly put them in, that doesn't work too well. It may work in some cases, especially since there are some...weird emoticons available. If someone says that their ferret died, (shout out to Underdog Ash: I sowwy) you don't want to reply with That's just gonna be really awkward. It also results in constant chest pain, which no doctor can diagnose the true cause of the pain.
Don't overuse emoticons. It's very annoying. If you do people will flame you and say 'PART 3 CHAPTER 7 SECTION B!' Oh yeah, people will say that.

Chapter 8: Profile Info
This is more of the detailed things that only a handful of weird members look at from time to time. Now, the member title we went over... God I hated that. Anyways, the homepage URL is where you can give people a link to your own homepage. Kinda nothing to really add there. The screen names really aren't important in this guide, because they suck. Like fruit salsa...wow that was bad... For the location box...just put your country and state/territory/province/zone/area/place/where you got conceived/where your child got conceived... I don't know. Just don't put your address or else.
Mini-Story Time!!! There was this person who gave his address to a public website. He's really stupid mind you. He didn't finished pre-school. Poor 45 year old Gertrude... Anyways...one day a robber came to his house. The robber did not take anything, except for his remote. Now twice a day, everyday, the robber drives past the man's house and changes the channel. Sick bastard.
Okay...finishing up now... For your interests...no one really cares...so just put down something cool. If you can manage to make someone care about your interests you have succeeded in life. For your birthday...ehh...I got nothing. Just put your birthday damn it. Same for the favorite Mario game.

Chapter 8: The Top 10 Do's and Don't's of Posting

Do's
10. Include an approved-by-the-Signature-chapter signature.
9. Make the post nice and funny.
8. Make sure your post is grammatically correct.
7. Have a comeback for almost any reply to your post.
6. Make a post that fits in with the topic.
5. Post something random.
4. Make a reference from this guide.
3. Be confident that your post is good.
2. Post about how awesome Dragoonmason is.
1. Live and breathe.

Don't's
10. Don't die.
9. Don't post badly.
8. Don't flame.
7. Don't say something stupid.
6. Don't go off topic...unless you're in the off topic forum.
5. Don't post about your penis.
4. Don't post about other's penises.
3. Don't say bad things about my guide or myself.
2. Don't murder sheep.
1. DON'T MAKE FRUIT SALSA!
Seriously...don't.

That concludes the final part of this guide! I hope you enjoyed it and will make many references from it...seeing as how that's in the Do section....DO IT!
Note: I will revise the guides from time to time, so don't worry.
Until next time. See ya.